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United sign new Rooney…

… we are of course talking of Wayne Rooney’s newborn son — who we haven’t really signed but we imagine will be tearing up the pitch in about two decades from now — Kai Rooney, born at Liverpool Women’s hospital.

According to the spokesman, “Mother and baby are both absolutely fine. Wayne and Coleen are thrilled with the wonderful addition to their family life.” We wish Rooney all the best as a daddy.

Also, the baby must have broken record of sorts as he gets his first fake twitter account within minutes of birth. So far, it’s funny as hell!