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Ronaldo’s career to end by February

I don’t normally obsess over ex-players but every now and then, one encounters opportunities that are just too good to pass up. Today there was one, courtesy the Daily Mail. The story runs thus: a witch doctor who was hired to put a hex on Ronaldo has said that Ronaldo’s career is going to end in about four months.

The voodoo attacker, who calls himself Pepe, insists it is no coincidence that the Real Madrid forward suffered an ankle injury days after the so-called curse came to light. And now he says there will be a further blow and that Ronaldo will ‘have to stop for two or three months, and then will come the final injury.

‘In four months maximum, he will never be able to play football,’ Pepe told Portuguese newspaper Correio da Manha.

Furthermore he claims a witch hired to counteract his powers will only make things worse because: ‘My magic is black and this will accelerate the process.

Go on, read the whole article. This weekend we’ve had a goal scored by a beach ball, and now, confirmation that there’s a war going on in black magic land, presumably in a parallel dimension (of Tolkienesque proportions) that decides the fate of the most expensive pair of legs in world football. I think I have seen everything there is left to see in football.

Filed as #7684, in the list of shit you just can’t make up.