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Ronaldo’s Alligator Adventure + Cannavaro – Zola – Eriksson – Pele – Banks – Ferdinand

The Sun runs a story today that Rio Ferdinand could face a four match ban. It’s only the Sun at the moment that carries this ‘exclusive’ (that’s why they call it an exclusive, don’t they?), but one wonders why it’s taken them this long. Ferdinand lashed out after the Chelsea game, which seems like aeons ago. The part of the article that reckons that his captaincy status for England would be threatened is pure bollocks, because that would be Capello’s decision. But if he does get punished, we could be in for a rocky start to the season. Not that I lack confidence in Brown but Ferdinand has grown in stature so much that his assurance is absolutely crucial.

I am not going to cry conspiracy, because if he is found guilty then I couldn’t possibly condone it. I don’t want my players, especially the ones who are the presumed leaders in the side lose it — it shows your weakness more than anything. At the moment I’ll adopt an ‘innocent until proven guilty’ stance.

Chelsea legend, Zola thinks United blundered in letting Rossi go. And he calls him the Italian Messi. Hmm… I was a Rossi fan and was sad that we let him leave. But I guess that will be our cross to bear if he turns out half as good as Messi.

Cannavaro, Eriksson, Pele and Banks — all think Ronaldo must honour his contract. I think he should walk into a cave full of hungry alligators. Upon walking in he realises that the alligators could be a bit of a problem. To his surprise however, he sees that the alligators can speak English and that surprise turns to horror as he’s asked a question by one among the gathering:

‘So have you decided on your future yet?’, asks the one that looked like the papa gator.

‘I will let you know in two to three weeks.’

The papa alligator being visibly unimpressed asked him to be more clear or risk being torn apart.

‘It’s my dream… err… you never know… everyone knows what I want… I like ice creams… err, no sorry, that was a statement for my personal chef. You see, we are slaves and we need to memorize statements… it’s a tough life I say.’

Papa gator also being the smart one realises he isn’t going to get an answer right away so he drags him by his injured ankle deep into the cave as the boy from Madeira curses himself for forgetting to get his hair gel.

He suddenly finds himself tied to a pole and threatened to make a clear statement or risk losing a limb for every word of indecision.

‘No! No! I stay!’, he screams.

Baby gator, being the hungry one, in enthusiasm (or you could call it youthful exuberance), chewed up his left foot anyway. His left foot gone, it didn’t matter whichever club he went now, and the alligators were hungry and rather miffed that they had to wait so long for dinner. There was only one thing they could really think of now.

The casual passerby heard only shrieks — one that went, ‘I stay!’ and one that went, ‘I go!’ appearing alternately.

Note: The alligator adventure was a figment of the imagination. A poor one, no doubt — but no animals were harmed while thinking this up. It may have been inappropriate, but in the face of slow news, the mind tends to go idle, and we all know what they say about idle minds and devil’s workshops.

And with these thoughts, enjoy your Monday.