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United plan an Evil Empire of Online Domination

Stewie Griffen and his plan for world domination

Manchester United have just launched their Japanese website (and the Chinese and Korean versions).

Now they are reports that they plan to launch a Hindi web-site next year. Followed by a Portuguese one the year after that. The Urdu website will be launched the year after that.

Chief Executive David Gill, the same person who felt the Tevez case was too complicated, did not think twice when asked about the challenge of launching so may sites of different languages. He said:

“You see, it is a part of our five year plan. We have been planning this for the last couple of years and now we are ready to launch. Plus this is in line with the Glazers’ plans of developing Manchester United into a truly global ‘franchise’.”

Asked if the plans of global domination in the online world might be seen as evil and insidious to some other lesser clubs, he said:

“There is nothing malicious about it. You see, our club solicitor Maurice Watkins has been working overtime to see all goes well with this and every thing is above the table.”

Or should we say above the desk and on your computer screens. This follows closely from their launch of their (rather poor) Myspace site and an official blog. We believe that when a club launches an official blog, then it would completely endanger the fans who run other equally good (or even better) blogs. So now the fans would also have to pay with their online traffic.

This has apparently infuriated the Manchester United Supporters’ Blogger Association who have decided to create their own website namely, that is a direct reply to the Glazers’ plans of online domination. A spokesman said:

“We will allow only English speaking fans to write on this blog. The club has now even lost its online values and sold out. This is our only way now of connecting with our true fans.”

Meanwhile, David Gill inadvertently let slip that two more language versions of are in the offing: the American English version (where mostly words like football would be replaced with soccer and a missed pass would be termed as a turnover and so on) and the Australian version – with words like ‘dinkum’ and ‘mate’ thrown in good measure. Plans of asking Fosters’ to sponsor this site is also in the offing.

With all this happening in the online world, we are left in awe; wondering at the far sightedness of the Glazers who clearly realize where the future of their franchise would lie 20 years from now, on online fantasy football premier league games.

As Joel Glazer said, it will be like how World of Warcraft is played these days.

Note: This post written in jest. Sorry if we actually got your hopes up.