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An Open Letter to England Fans

Dear England fans,

I am sorry for what happened yesterday. I am sure it wouldn’t have been easy. Seeing a team, as fancied as yours, getting knocked out of a showpiece event would make your summers quite hard to negotiate. But let’s not talk too much about next summer. Let’s talk about the present.

It must be slightly unnerving seeing a team managed by the Clown. You couldn’t be blamed for it, could you? After all you were clamouring for a foreign manager, after the sacking of Sven. Or was it English? Bah! I forget.

Let me start over. England, under the Clown, started brightly but then fizzled out thanks to some clowning around with the formations. (One might think clowning around to be but a natural progression for a… erm… clown) But then wouldn’t it be a little mean of us to be blaming the Clown? Isn’t your side the victim of your own Golden Generation?

I am sure you would beg to differ on the Golden Generation term. I understand. It is a term invented by the media, who are perhaps somehow involved in this. I don’t know how, but some of my mates tell me so. I honestly think the media have been irresponsible by not giving the team enough public exposure.

But let me take some blame. I apologize on behalf of the club that I support — and much of you despise — for being partly responsible for your team’s ‘demise’, before you start the blame game. If only had Wayne Rooney not been so careless as to have stepped on some training equipment. His ‘English and Proud” tattoo must surely be for showing off. If only Rio Ferdinand defended as well as he’s been doing for United. He is terrible defender for his country, no? If only David Beckham — an ex-United player, but again, once a red always a red — had scored the free kick as he scored against Greece last time. Where has his passion disappeared? Too much time spent cozying around in Los Angeles, I believe.

Not to mention, how poor Carrick has been for his country. And Owen Hargreaves. Surely, he wasn’t considered good enough to start? The legendary pair of Gerrard and Lampard (and Barry) certainly give their all for their country and are beyond reproach. I wouldn’t even get started on Wes Brown, who is no match for the impeccable Joleon Lescott. Not enough commitment from our fellow reds.

For that, and for that alone, I apologize.

But you may say that we are having too may foreigners in the Premier League. Surely that would be a bigger issue than the United contingent’s non-contribution. In fact, our own Steven Gerrard has said so. He must be a brave lad, surely. He doesn’t care about his fellow Spanish mates going ‘¿Que?

Foreigners are messing up the league. They bring their technical ability and play acting to the league. Nothing else. Who wants our kids to play with these pesky foreigners and learn from their technical ability. The English game is about giving your all — whatever that is supposed to mean. Who wants to play one-touch football and ruin the game? Plus, the clubs are not doing a good enough job at scouting quality players from their designated 90 mile radii.

Foreigners are scum. They should be weeded out of the game. The FA should appoint Mourinho, or Hiddink, or Scolari, or Martin O’Neill. Erm, sorry, cut out the first three names. I forgot they were foreigners. In fact, even Martin O’Neill is not English. Oh well, I think Big Sam would be the smarter move.

But let’s look at the positives. Significant members of the core of the England side — Terry (the captain) and Gerrard (the vice-captain) for example — took complete responsibility for England’s failure. I think it’s brave of them because they were beyond blame. (I know, even Beckham took blame, but we all know he’s just a PR machine.) But if they accept blame then they would surely improve. So by that logic we should weed out those who are the real cause behind England’s debacle. Which would mean the team would get better the next time round, no?

And there lies hope.

Oh, and at least the Scots didn’t make it. Had they done it, it might have been unfair, wouldn’t it? At least justice has been done. Having said that it must be unfair to see Rooney, Rio, Neville, Carrick, Hargreaves — off the top of my head — take a break in the summer when they should be playing for their country in the Euro 2008. What a shame to see such a lack of commitment! Sad, really.

And that, dear England fans, is why I feel sorry for you. Although, I didn’t get the part where the Croatian anthem was booed. But then you would be entitled to have your own valid reasons.


Red Ranter.