When Sky Sports finally brought an end to their info graphics and flashing charts that had led an aggressive visual assault on anyone who watched for the last two months, no one was questioning United’s attacking line.
The man that controls Jim White’s unnaturally expressive face took his hand out of his rectum and replaced the animatronic doll in the props cupboard until January.
It was impossible to count the number of people who criticised the lack of world-class defenders brought in or the massive imbalance between attack and defence.
Pundits lauded United’s ability to attract big name stars without Champions League football but criticised the lavish spending as a tragic demolition of the club’s traditions.
Jamie Redknapp showed everyone a picture he’d made with his latest bowel movement.
February 2015 is here and, despite having arguably four of the best forwards in the league, this United team is more impotent than an Action Man with an inferiority complex.
Though the style of play at United has been pragmatic and functional rather than exciting and dynamic, Sunday’s performance at Upton Park was significantly marred by the two supposedly world class strikers in the side unable to convert for the umpteenth time this season.
The under performing of both Robin Van Persie and Radamel Falcao is appalling, with many United fans calling for one or both to leave in the summer.
With the idea that one of them might leave, it is worth looking at the alternative solutions.
What to do?
The most obvious problem with the side is the lack of pace and the imbalance caused by playing two strikers up top.
Though the team has Angel Di Maria and Adnan Januzaj who are both quick on the counter, playing both Van Persie and Falcao is like playing two cinderblocks.
The two forwards are too similar and too slow to play alongside each other. For this reason Van Gaal either has to drop one or drop both.
Many United fans would be happy to see how one of Falcao, Van Persie or even Wilson would fair on their own up top. The most in form of the three would probably be the young James Wilson, so why not give him a chance?
Dropping a striker would improve the pace in the side and allow Wayne Rooney to move further forward, which would be more welcome than Scarlet Johannson visiting the Miami Mega Jail after his performances in midfield of late.
Playing one up top until the end of the season might work as a stopgap fix but then United will have to invest in some pace in the summer.
The two best options would be either a faster striker or an out and out winger. One that fans won’t have to watch drive crosses into the shins of the opposition for 90 minutes.
Remember when the club gave Antonio Valencia the number seven jersey? Most probably thought he was dying and this was all part of his Make a Wish foundation.
Alternatively Van Gaal could just continue to avoid the problem by playing Fellaini up top, selling Di Maria, Mata and Hererra, sign Kevin Nolan, Joey Barton and the tallest bloke at the job centre.
The new era of galacticos where watching every game is like setting fire to your eyes.
William Dawson
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